Frankfurt hits und misses

At the Frankfurt auto show's press days last week, one abacus was required to tally the plethora of new battery-electric concepts and production cars, and another was needed to count the vacant exhibit halls and missing brands from what was once one of the world's largest auto shows.

Still, Staff Reporter Larry P. Vellequette traversed hither and yon across the still mile-long exhibit space to see the sights at the biennial show.

He came away with a few overriding themes: Beautiful design is powertrain-agnostic; concept electric vehicles are always way more roomy than they end up in production; and lighting is the new chrome, because it, too, can be overused.

Here's a collection of the 2019 Frankfurt auto show's hits und misses:

The automotive equivalent of a cute little puppy, the production version of the Honda e will go on sale in Europe next summer at a price similar to that of the Volkswagen ID3, but with a noticeably smaller battery and less range than its German competitor. It would be a miss, but from a design standpoint, the full-electric Honda edges its more technically advanced Teutonic rival. There are no fewer than five display screens across the instrument cluster, including two to replace the side mirrors with more aerodynamic cameras. Rear seat passengers didn't look squished at all, and with those big, round LED headlights, the only thing that would make the Honda e more inviting to play with is a wagging tail.

The first car on Volkswagen's vaunted MEB modular electric platform, the Golf-sized ID3 is the mass-market brand's first entry in the automaker's $50 billion multibrand blitz of battery-electric vehicles. While the production ID3's design feels a bit cold and institutional — especially compared with vehicles such as the Honda e — the vehicle gets high marks for its aggressive pricing (€30,000, or $33,000) and optional range of up to 342 miles. With new competitors rushing into the subcompact electric vehicle market, we may soon learn whether consumers will chose function over form, or form over function.

Any question of the ridiculousness of calling an EV a "Turbo" quickly fades once the Porsche Taycan comes into full view. Press day crowds simply stood quietly in awe of how beautiful and quick Porsche's first full-electric vehicle looks, even on a static display. Though it was revealed a few days before the Frankfurt show, no one cared, and no one will care later. The Taycan is a mesmerizing beast of an electric machine up close, and maybe the prettiest way that electrons have ever been used in an automobile.

On the outside, it's another battery-electric crossover in a field now awash in such vehicles, with a big battery and decent range, albeit from a startup manufacturer. But before this thing sees a roadway, regulators are going to need to have a chat about what constitutes distracted driving.

A 48-inch curved display — yep, you read that right — doesn't just dominate the instrument panel, it IS the instrument panel. And from the front seat, it's almost as big as the windshield itself. Who wants to watch traffic when you can watch TV? No one, except drivers who want to continue living.

Yes, maybe the redesigned Defender has wonky headlights and is stuffed with tons of British electronics that ... will ... never ... ever ... fail ... (cough), but what's not to love about reviving a beloved and storied nameplate amid perhaps the worst political crisis in the U.K. since Oliver Cromwell?

If you're hankering for some Bavarian barbecue, I've got some bad news: This grille ain't workin'. Not for me. Not for anybody. I can't tell you anything about the rest of this sport coupe, because every time I looked at those two bloated kidneys, I immediately had to head for the bathroom.

Technically, the 819-hp Lamborghini Sian is a hybrid — you know, like the Toyota Prius. But the fact that the 48-volt hybrid system is mated to a V-12 engine and mounted on the Adventador's platform makes it slightly more menacing than its Japanese kissing cousin. Those wheels, that paint, that profile — they all scream Raging Bull, as any good Lambo should.

OK, it's a concept battery-electric crossover, and from the outside, it looks like a concept crossover, with the ever-popular-but- rarely-used suicide doors and funky lighting, etc. But inside? It looks as though someone at BMW was experimenting with how to make its infotainment system harder to operate, while someone else had way too much fun with shapes. The front passenger seat looks as though it's partially melted, and the rear bench looks like it's covered in mushed-up, discarded denim.

The folks from Ingolstadt have been having some fun with concepts lately with a series of futuristic one-offs designed for different missions.

The latest, the AI:Trail is meant to be some kind of off-roader, with big, imposing wheels and gray tires. The oversized cargo rack on top includes five detachable drones equipped with lights that are supposed to fly ahead of the vehicle and light its path — and they are there in place of headlights. So, let's just say it now: No. No one is going to do that. Not ever. Just get that notion out of your head.

This one hurts: the once-vibrant Frankfurt auto show, with its embarrassingly large display venues, looks badly injured by the sheer number of automakers and brands that took a hard pass on the 2019 version of Europe's premier auto show. Yes, the Germans are here, as are some Chinese brands, and Ford and Honda and a couple of others as well, but visitors have to walk past more than one formerly filled display hall to see what's left of the whole show.

The global automakers and brands who skipped Frankfurt this year well outnumber those who came back. The French, FCA, Toyota and others all said a collective nein danke for various reasons, providing more evidence that the problems plaguing auto shows globally are getting worse, not better.