|Nick Bunkley is an enterprise reporter for Automotive News.|
It's no Weinermobile.
But as pork-related vehicles go, it's pretty close.
Behold, the Bacon Fiesta. The perfect car for your upcoming, uh, bacon fiesta.
As Homer Simpson would say, "Mmm, Ford Fiesta."
"FORD INTRODUCES FIRST BACON-WRAPPED CAR, SATISFYING EVEN THE MOST INSATIABLE APPETITE," shouts the headline of a totally real, honestly not-made-up, genuine Ford news release issued today.
"This car just makes so much sense," Ford quotes Allan Benton, CEO of Benton's Smoky Mountain Country Hams, as saying, which is pretty much the exact opposite of what I thought when reading that headline.
Ford created the Bacon Fiesta, its tastiest-sounding product since the Ranchero was discontinued in 1979, to promote its line of custom vinyl graphics. It also serves as a shocking reminder that we have only two shopping days left before International Bacon Day on Saturday.
Fiesta buyers who think their car would look better with bacon -- after all, why choose plain-old white when you can have the other white meat? -- have four options:
A pair of bacon racing stripes on the hood
Bacon strips over the rear wheels
The full "Bacon Wrap": 10 strips of bacon around the entire car from back to front ("for a carb-free ride," Ford says, ignoring the fact that all cars not only carb-free but also inedible).
Come to your senses before you spend hundreds of dollars putting giant pictures of bacon on your car and then have to explain what in the world you were thinking every time you stop for gas.
"You can only imagine that a hillbilly from Tennessee is pretty happy to hear about a Ford wrapped in bacon," said Benton, who "personally approved the design," according to Ford. "I expect there will be some real excitement among the young city crowd."
Ford apparently sells more normal-looking, non-meat graphics as well, but talking about those wouldn't have made for much of a public relations stunt. Plus, this way Ford can make terrible puns such as "unlike bacon grease, nothing gets sizzled away from the Fiesta interior."
Obviously it worked; not only am I writing about it today, but so did USA Today, Time and a number of bloggers who probably skipped breakfast. Even Pork magazine wrote about it.
"It's no secret that bacon inspires a lot of passion, and that's what the Fiesta celebrates," said Liz Elser, Ford Fiesta marketing manager. "Our customers have a hunger for self-expression. Plus, it's just awesome to drive down the road in a piece of bacon."
Well, who can argue with that? And remember what Henry Ford famously said a century ago: "Any customer can have a car painted any color that he wants, so long as it's wrapped in bacon."